So I’ve been really struggling quite a bit of late and everytime a new day comes around my thought process is wow another fight and to be honest I’m really tired of the constant fight, I’m tired of not feeling like me, I’m tired of being zoned out for hours, I’m tired of the constant telling myself it can get better it will get better, I’m just tired.
A few weeks ago I got to the point where I wrote out my note addressing everyone I’ve ever loved and telling them how sorry I am for what I was about to do the following day but the day after I wrote it my mum got taken into hospital and since then I have been having to look after her, in a weird kind of way it snapped me out of what I was going to do because I had to make sure she was okay first and to be honest it did shift those thoughts because my mind got taken over with shit I need to make sure she’s getting better, but now that she’s getting better those thoughts are back there and my mind has gone right back to a where it was a few weeks ago.
I am starting my next level therapy on Monday so if truth be told I’m just trying to keep fighting until then because I’m really hoping that this will help, I don’t want to do anything stupid but its so hard when it’s your own mind telling you too. I am just tired but I’m going to do my best that I can now and try and keep fighting
Confessions of a Suicidal Man 